The Power of Awareness
If I’ve learned anything from years of mindfully observing my inner experience and coaching others to do the same, it’s this: you can’t change a thought or feeling the same way you change a flat tire. You can’t replace an unwanted emotion with a more desired one. If this were true, no negative feeling would last longer than a few seconds because you would undoubtedly swap pain for pleasure.
Some things just can’t be voluntarily changed. A good example is trying to force yourself to fall asleep. It doesn’t work—never has, never will. Try it, and you’ll find yourself more awake than you were when you first laid down. The same is true for what you think and feel. If you’ve been trying to change how you experience certain thoughts or feelings, my advice is to stop.
You were likely brought up to believe that problems can and should be fixed with hard work and perseverance. Unfortunately, this doesn’t work for regulating your thoughts and feelings. If nothing else, methods that rely on self-control only make things worse because when it doesn’t work, the mind tends to spin debasing stories about you—the one who can’t control yourself—and that yields even more negative thoughts and feelings. The real problem isn’t you not trying hard enough. My guess is you’ve probably been trying too hard. Inner peace isn’t earned through willpower. Instead, it’s discovered simply by observing your inner experience because observation has the power to bring the change you’ve been looking for all along. This approach aligns with Constructed Awareness’ first principle, which states that bringing awareness to your experience changes the experience. Here are some examples of how awareness can bring about change in real life.
Imagine you’re at the mall, sitting at a table in the food court. Suddenly, you see someone walking on the other side of the building. The person looks familiar, so you study them as they walk closer. Then, unexpectedly, the person looks directly at you and catches you looking at them. What would you do? Chances are you would look away. This is a simple, real-life way of showing how you instantly change your actions when you know you’re being observed.
Let’s say you’re driving, and your favorite song comes on the radio. You start singing along and really getting into it. Before you know it, you’re singing and dancing like nobody's watching. Only when you pull up to the next red light, you realize the person in the next car over is watching you. What would you do? Chances are you would stop singing, blush, fix your gaze firmly on the instrument panel, and pray for the light to change faster. On the other hand, you could begin serenading them. The funny thing is, if you did, the person would likely look away once too much attention was given. In this case, observation would instantly change what you both were doing.
The idea that observation brings change should be obvious to anyone with children. Little ones behave completely differently when they’re being watched versus when they’re not. When children aren’t being supervised, they can do all kinds of ungodly things. Thoughts and emotions are the same: they are less likely to misbehave if regularly checked in on.
The notion that observation alone can bring change may seem foreign, but it’s great if you desire to change how you think and feel and have struggled to do so. The good news is this approach allows you to struggle less. After all, doing more hasn’t worked. Chances are, everything you’ve ever done to not feel anxious has led you to feel more anxious. Likewise, everything you’ve ever done to cope with depression has caused you to feel more depressed. My advice is to stop trying to force change. Instead, simply bring awareness to what’s happening in the moment and allow room for change to unfold on its own.
Maybe you’re asking, “How do I do that?” That’s a great question that’s too big to tackle in one post. The Constructed Awareness Institute is dedicated to creating content to support your personal growth through observing your inner experience. Stay tuned for future blogs that cover CA resources and more information on the CA approach. Also, feel free to sign up for the CA newsletter and follow us on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, LinkedIn, and YouTube to receive updates about future blogs and videos, including guided CA resource exercises.